Then one day her dance instructor asked her why she always showed up late for class and left right at the end of class. This was an “aha” moment for Elise. She realized that she was actually making herself unavailable to meet new people—She was going through the motions of “being available,” but really she was closing herself off from any chance for connection. As we talked about why she might be doing that, she realized that she carried a lot of anxiety in her body whenever we talked about meeting people. So we looked at how to overcome that anxiety. Although Elise was “putting herself out there,” she wasn’t present for those key moments when connection might happen—before and after class. She would get stuck in her head, feeling anxious, and not wanting to feel uncomfortable during those unstructured moments. Because, let’s face it. Sometimes meeting new people is awkward. We want to be able to say the right thing, sound clever, seem informed, or smart, or funny. Somewhere deep inside we know that we are not going to “click” with everyone, but that doesn’t stop us from getting trapped in our heads, thinking about why. Elise wanted to make real connections with other people, so we worked on helping her feel at home in her own body. Because, the more you understand your own emotions and reactions, the more authentic you will be with other people—and authenticity is an attractive quality. You can practice being present, as you are, with kindness and compassion. Here are four things you can do to cultivate awareness and trust in yourself, which ultimately will help you trust and connect with others:
